— Bootleg Harry Hairy Potter: They’re really bootlegging ANYTHING now, huh? “A fake Harry Potter book portraying our hero as a fat hairy dwarf has gone on sale in China and become an instant hit.” Eff it! Get yours bootleggers!

— Jealous: Pics of Brendan Bringem, Spankrock, and Paserock at the Montreaux Jazz Festival with the Beastie Boys old men, Quincy Jones, and a lot of Spankrock fans.

— Steal Documents/Get Money: What a weird way to get money. “Denning McTague, originally of New York, worked as an unpaid intern at the National Archives office here [in Philadelphia] last summer. During that time, he stole 164 documents and sold about half on eBay… The documents McTague pilfered were valued at $24,271.61… Federal authorities were able to recover 161 of the 164 documents.”

— Loss of Enjoyment of Life: This is just silly all the way around. A pr0n star is using her old friend’s real name as her acting nom de guerre and, “As a result, the lawsuit claims, Madden and the distributor have inflicted ‘humiliation, embarrassment, loss of enjoyment of life, emotional distress, mental anguish and anxiety.’ Caj Boatright, attorney for Kristen Syvette Wimberly, said her client started being contacted by friends and acquaintances asking about her career in pornography. ‘The purpose of the lawsuit is to get her to stop using this name,’ Boatright said. ‘We’re not out looking for millions of dollars.'” I must admit, I’d be pissed if somebody was using my name in Adult films. Whatever happened to just using your pet’s name and your street address to come up with your pr0n nom de plume? (Note: with this formula, mine would be Duke Girard.)

— Give and Ye Shall Prosper: Go give Free Darko your hard earned money. They’ve earned it in a hard earned manner.

-e